Warning: The F word is repeated many times in this post but, it’s okay, it’s not about Feminism …

I generally think of myself as someone who is fairly resilient; I go with the flow and adapt well to change. But I recently found out that my sweet sweet work situation is about to undergo a major change. And, it has had me rattled.

Goodbye half my income – the money the goes to rent. Goodbye work that I could do with my eyes closed – underwater. Goodbye working from home in my own hours – in my pyjamas, often in bed.

Oh. Poor me.

After a couple of days of “oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck – the money!” and then a week of “oh fuck oh fuck what am I going to do?” I’ve finally settled on “Fuck it. This is really good”.

While the last few years have been great for not having to worry about how I’m going to pay the rent, the work I’ve been doing hasn’t really been rocking my world. Which is not to say it’s bad in any way – it just doesn’t challenge me, nor really use my skills, knowledge and abilities, and, except for certain aspects of bookselling, it’s not something I’m passionate about. But its stability and consistency has been perfect over the last year or two as it’s allowed me to give attention to other areas of my life. My family, relationships and writing have all benefited.

So, I’ve been asking myself the big question:

What do I really want to do?

And, in considering my answers, my focus keeps coming back to:

I want to be doing:

• something that uses my skills, knowledge and abilities;
• something that challenges me;
• something that contributes to the world in a positive way; and
• something that I’m passionate about.

No pressure.

Anyway, I think I’ve worked it out.

It’s the same thing I’ve wanted to do for 10 years but instead of just going and doing it, I’ve been throwing rocks on the path.

But here it is – the perfect time, the perfect opportunity.

Now, I just have to do it …

(Read: Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.)