You see, in trying to understand this Valentine’s Day thing a little better, I’ve been doing a bit of scratching around on the identity of the martyr who lends his name to the day-of-love. All I’ve found is myth and inconsistency. I’ve discovered that, thanks to the Catholic Church, some chancy Chaucer, Esther Howland and capitalism, Valentine’s Day is a sham. So, I’ve decided to cancel Valentine’s Day this year.